Thursday, May 5, 2011

So...I'm selfish. Bummer.

Lately, as I drive around, normally doing something for work, baby boy will start kicking me.  And I think to myself that he's all mine.  Not in the sense that he was made by just me, we thank God for him existing.  But in the sense that he's in MY belly.  Of course, Matt and I are his parents, both of us, but again, he's in MY belly.

As I drive I notice that my hand instinctually goes to my belly.  I don't rub my belly, my hand just sits there.  When I look down I think about how my belly protrudes more and more each week.  I've thought to myself "That's mine. That's me. That's my belly. And that's my baby in there. OMG. A baby. What am I going to do with a baby?" I'm very much loving (selfishly, again, yes, I recognize this) that this baby is just mine right now. No one else gets to lay with him on the couch and be the only one that 'knows' what's going on with him. No one else gets to guess which end is up at the moment.  No one else gets to feel his kicks from the inside, his wiggles, his rolls or his hiccups.  When he comes out, everyone is going to be able to see...and I'm not sure I'm ready to share. 

I'm thinking and wondering about how I am explaining this.  Or if I should even post this.  I did warn you all with my title...I'm selfish.  It shouldn't offend anyone.  It's not like I'm not going to share.  Duh. It's a baby.  Everyone is going to want to hold him and kiss him and talk baby talk to him and touch his toes and hope that he doesn't start fussing allowing them to keep holding him.

Don't worry everyone, I will let you do all those things you want to do to him.  I will not selfishly keep him all to myself like I have him now.  I will share.  There are doting grandparents waiting for his arrival as anxiously (or as close as possible) as we are.

I've got to say though, having him all to myself for this time is such a blessing.  It's such a sweet thing to know that he's getting everything he needs, all from me.  I can't wait for this little boy!

Speaking of not being able to wait, we just passed 28 weeks.  
We've got a head of cabbage. 

 And to see how we got here, a progression.


  1. Then count me in as selfish because I've been feeling the same way too! For now, anyway, he's mine, all mine lol

  2. You have said it so beautifully...great expression of the feelings of being a new mom! Love, Mom

  3. I love this! I remember these same feelings! Beautifully written!